Growing up, I often thought I was the smart one, and my sister was the pretty one. Though my mother said I was pretty too, I didn’t believe it. My sister got the compliments, she had the typical american beauty look: blonde, blue-eyed. She’s a bombshell, I felt more like the second banana. No one made me feel this way, we all just develop with our own insecurities.
I’ve always been overweight. I come from a long line of bigger women, some more comfortable with themselves than others. My mom always made a point to make sure things fit and she taught me that you should not try to stuff yourself into the “thing” just because your friends, the size tinies are wearing it. (I do love my tiny friends, no hate there)
I’ve waffled in terms of my confidence, sometimes having more or less. I have hit a low spot. Perhaps it is frustration with a weight that doesn’t seem to budge, despite lifestyle changes; or just the fact that I have more style than my look belies due to budget and availability.
So, I’m challenging myself. To think outside the box. To get more comfortable with me. To be in FRONT of the camera. To expand my wardrobe and make the outside match how the inside feels.
Maybe I’ll never hit the point when my ugly duckling self becomes a swan. Or maybe, just maybe, I’m there, and I just don’t know it.